I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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