Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
