I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize