you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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