dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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