dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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