i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
