Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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