i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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