im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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