So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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