I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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