can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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