I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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