Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
