Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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