What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
