We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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