census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
