when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it hurts more in the daytime
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
