So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
