We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
