Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
