She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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