how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
