that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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