Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
