I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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