did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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