If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
