what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
