I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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