well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
