I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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