Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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