would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
