You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
