Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
