1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
