before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
