Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
