im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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