I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
