that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
