just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
