He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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