you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
