How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
