Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
