Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
