ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
