were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
