Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
