I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
