Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
