I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
