apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I currently don't understand fingers.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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