By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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