And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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