cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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