Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
