did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize