she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
