I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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