I murdered the dance floor call the cops
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
