How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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