So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
