You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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