I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
MIDGETS
????
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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