matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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