i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's rum buckets o'clock
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
