dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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