I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
