look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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