If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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