it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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