Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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