Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize