all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
