You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
