Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
