if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
