I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
