mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
