i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im six kinds of drunk right now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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